Unpacking the Tentacles of Obligation in the Workplace
Understanding the Dynamics Behind Relational and Transactional Language
- What Is the Tentacles of Obligation Framework?
The Tentacles of Obligation is a practical framework that helps identify and address patterns of interaction that either nurture or disrupt workplace relationships. It enables organizations to:
- Predict challenges
- Prevent escalation
- Prepare effective responses
The framework consists of four core components:
🔹 1. Relational Language
Nine unwritten attributes that foster trust, collaboration, and positive interaction.
🔹 2. Transactional Language
Nine opposing attributes that reflect self-interest, division, or disruption.
🔹 3. The Psychological Cage
The internal conflict that arises when relational and transactional expectations collide.
🔹 4. The Bunker Concept
A mental refuge and strategic tool that offers clarity when navigating conflict.
📌 Reference: For visual support, refer to the Tentacles of Obligation diagram linked at the bottom of this course module.
- The Sense of Obligation: An Internal Compass
Let’s begin with a thinking exercise that leads into a practical application.
Have you ever entered a room and instantly felt something was “off”?
That “spidey sense” is your subconscious scanning the environment—assessing both the written rules (explicit expectations) and the unwritten rules (unspoken social norms).
Written Rules
Policies, procedures, governance structures
Unwritten Rules
Tone of voice, social hierarchy, cultural expectations
This ability to read and react to context is known as the Sense of Obligation—the internal awareness that influences how we speak and act.
- Two Types of Obligation
✅ Want-To Obligation
- Driven by internal motivation
- Leads to engagement, generosity, and authentic contribution
- Maggie’s Legacy refers to this as Relational Language
⚠️ Have-To Obligation
- Driven by pressure or perceived necessity
- Leads to resistance, negotiation, or compliance
- Maggie’s Legacy calls this Transactional Language
- Why “Tentacles”?
You might be wondering—why use the metaphor of tentacles?
Like an octopus, workplace dynamics can reach out and draw individuals into situations—sometimes without their awareness. Despite best intentions, employees can feel “sucked into” conflicts or power struggles.
This metaphor helps illustrate:
- The hidden forces influencing your decisions
- The subtle push-pull of interaction dynamics
- Practical Example: Teenagers and Console Games
Let’s bring this into real life with an example outside the workplace.
🎮 Want-To Scenario: Video Games
Teenagers want to play video games. No parent begs their child to play more. Their motivation is intrinsic—relational language is at play.
📚 Have-To Scenario: Homework
When parents ask teens to stop gaming and do chores, resistance sets in—excuses, delay tactics, and dramatic negotiations emerge.
This is transactional language in action. The shift in attitude illustrates the unwritten rules of “have to” obligations.
- Why This Matters at Work
Recognizing the Tentacles of Obligation:
- Reveals hidden drivers behind conflict and compliance
- Equips employees and leaders with a language for analyzing workplace dynamics
- Supports meaningful intervention before conflict escalates
Whether it’s a team misalignment or leadership tension, these patterns are hidden in plain sight.
- Key Takeaways for Organizations
By the end of the next module, you will be able to:
- Identify relational vs. transactional language
- Recognize how unwritten rules shape workplace culture
- Apply a structured, effective approach to resolving conflict
- Support individuals trapped in push-pull dynamics using the framework
Many employees intuitively sense these patterns. Maggie’s Legacy helps them name, understand, and navigate them.
🌟 Final Thought
Once you see the Tentacles of Obligation, you can’t unsee them.
🔜 Next Module Preview
Join us as we reveal the nine relational and transactional attributes that define workplace interactions—and learn how to use them to foster connection, resolve conflict, and promote collaboration.